An Endless Box Of Goodies

Ping! Ping! Ping! The inbox fills up, slowly but surely, as if it is the bottom half of a sand timer, with grains dropping down, down, down. I read email ritually. I check my school and work inboxes at least thrice a day. Even so, I see the hundreds of unread messages add up over the course of a day. The red notifications circle mocks me with a number growing ever larger. Finally, I crack. The inbox knows I can’t feign nonchalance any longer. Ping!

Apparently to add insult to injury, it adds another email to the notifications circle. 12,345. Very funny. Real interesting.

I block 30 minutes out of my day. Like a flash of avenging lightning, I will hurry through these junk emails from vendors I’ve never heard of.

Quickly, quickly, I read emails, delete them. Inch by inch the inbox clears. TWO-FOR-ONE DEAL ON SPLIT-DYED KNEE SOCKS goes into the trash without a second thought. I unsubscribe from mailing lists, report phishings. For some reason, an unknown individual has emailed seventeen different flyers for a purported Stronger Shoe Sole. Why???

30 minutes fly by and there is much left to go.

I continue some days later. By this time, of course, the email fills up again. It’s as if the inbox has an unshakable urge to fill up again, right to the brim. I wonder what the maximum number of notifications displayable is.

I sit down with the firm conviction that I will clear this inbox. I work at a rapid pace, stopping only to sip water because my throat is parched with fury against these notifications.

“Unread” bubble after “unread” bubble disappears. The notification badge displayed four digits, then three.

I take a break to clear my head and we’re back to four digits. Of course we are.

Back to three, now only two digits. Finally, only one.

I read and delete the last email. I take a deep breath and revel in the emptiness. The red notifications badge is gone. My mail app is freeeee!!! (Think “Sméagol is freeeee!!!”)

And then, out of the clear, crisp silence: Ping!